THANK GOD

I've always wondered how I react to emergency situations.  There are some, like my children getting minor injuries, that I found out early on that I remain pretty calm.  I can see past the immediate situation, use a soothing tone of voice for them, and fix whatever needs to be fixed.  But on that Tuesday when I realized the severity of the situation, I learned very quickly that I get paralyzed when it's something major.  I can't make decisions, I can't figure out what needs to be done next, I can't work a stupid computer to book a flight, I can't remember how to pack a suitcase, I can't function to get my kids a pop tart.  As I was falling apart, Brad was 40 miles away on a bike training for a triathlon.

THANK GOD my sister-in-law Dee Ann said, "You've got to call a friend."

THANK GOD Edith picked up her phone - knowing that it must be an emergency for me to call before 8am.  I knew that she would know what I needed to do, I knew her mom was in town and could watch her girls, I knew she would get me on a plane.

THANK GOD Annabelle is old enough to spring into action to get her brother dressed, brush his teeth, feed him breakfast, and keep him occupied while I was crumbling.

THANK GOD that Edith came to pick us up and drive us to the airport because the Good Lord knew I was in no condition to drive.

THANK GOD that she knew how to get in touch with Brad since he didn't take his phone with him.

THANK GOD that the man at the ticket counter understood my despair and made sure I got on the stand-by flight to Dallas.

THANK GOD I saw the sweet lady at the front of the long security line with a 31 Bag with the monogram "So Blessed" and I knew she would be kind and let me skip to the front.

THANK GOD the sweet TSA lady helped me figure out how to get myself through security.  I did not have the state of mind to take off my shoes or put down my purse.

THANK GOD there were 2 sweet ladies that approached me once I got to my gate and asked if they could pray with me.

THANK GOD that Edith was able to go pack up my family for them to drive up immediately.  No telling what my sweet husband would've put in a bag :)

THANK GOD that I sat between 2 understanding men that let me cry in peace for the entire flight.  I apologized right when I sat down because no one wants to be sitting next to the girl having a meltdown.  Awkward!!  ;)

THANK GOD, THANK GOD, THANK GOD that He answered my sweet mother-in-law's prayer to send me someone to help me in the Dallas airport.  He showed up BIG TIME and sent my angel, Amy.  She was a flight attendant for Southwest.  We soon made the connection that we went to UCA together and had many mutual friends.  She became my advocate for getting onto the next flight versus having to sit in the airport for 5 hours waiting on the flight I had a ticket for.  She gave me medicine for my headache, she helped me get lunch, she talked with me for the entire hour and even had me laughing at times.  She warned me of the long shot when we were getting close to time to board that 5 people had to not show up for me to have a seat.  She prayed with me that God would get me on that flight.  She held my hand as I held my breath when there was 2 minutes left until the door closed and there were still 2 seats on the plane.  She caught me as I melted when those 2 people came running around the corner.  She sprang into action when she realized that I might just ball up on the floor and die knowing that God might not have it in His plans for me to be on that flight.  She used the 30 seconds we had left before the door closed to find a Southwest pilot that was flying standby and asked him to ride in the cockpit.

THANK GOD he gave me his seat.

THANK GOD that when I felt like He wasn't going to answer the many prayers going up for me to get on that flight, that He pulled through in the clutch in a way that only He could orchestrate.

THANK GOD for those 5 additional hours with my momma.

THANK GOD that I sat next to a sweet college girl that asked questions and allowed me to talk about the situation as much as I wanted.

THANK GOD that He pricked my heart to ask if she knew Jesus and that I was able to use the circumstances to easily and naturally talk about having a relationship with Him.

THANK GOD that she was receptive and said that she would look into learning more about Him.

THANK GOD that my friend Meagan pulled up right when I needed her at the LR airport to take me to my momma.

THANK GOD for my amazing friends, Kyla and Korie, that didn't think twice when they heard the news.  They picked up and ran to be at my side - even though most of that meant sitting in a small waiting room while I sat with my momma.

THANK GOD that my brother was waiting outside for me at the hospital to gently deliver the news that there would be no surgery and I didn't hear it through Facebook or from someone else.

THANK GOD that my brother-in-law, Chris, worked for a couple of years in the SICU unit (where my mom was) so he knew people, he knew ins and outs, he knew how to go above and beyond and make our stay as easy as possible.

THANK GOD for the most gentle, sensitive night nurse, Rhonda, that had just lost her dad 6 weeks prior and knew our needs.  She did everything in her power to make sure we were comfortable and that we had every possible second to spend with Mom.  She waived the visiting hours and rule that only 2 people could be in the room at a time.  She allowed all of mom's grandbabies (even Harris) to come say goodbye, even though the minimum age is 12 to be in SICU.   She brought us coffee, pillows, chairs, allowed us to have snacks, and brought me some lotion to rub my momma's feet.  She always wanted a foot rub :)

THANK GOD that making a decision that I've always imagined would be the hardest one to ever have to make for your loved one - turning off life support - was no decision at all.  Mom had told us 1,000 times that she would never, ever want to live in a comatose state, have zero quality of life, or end up in a vegetative state in a nursing home.  She even carried a living will around in her purse that said so.

THANK GOD that I was able to hold her hand as she went to be with Jesus.  I had this opportunity with my daddy, as well, and that is such a precious moment that I hold close to my heart.

THANK GOD for His traveling mercies as Brad drove us back to Monticello after being awake for probably 36 hours and already driving the 10 hour trip to LR with our kids.

THANK GOD that I was able to sleep through most of the trip.

THANK GOD for my momma's sweet friends that had her house spotless when we walked in.

THANK GOD that after I got to her house and felt the heaviest weight of heartbreak, I cried out to my friends to pray for numbness in the next few hours and days. He answered those prayers.  I knew there would be plenty of time to experience all the emotions of grief that I need to feel, but those first few moments required numbness.  I had too many decisions to make, too many people to see, too many events that I needed to just push through.

THANK GOD for the outpouring of love from friends and family - for the countless texts and emails and calls and FB messages.  My phone sounded like I had hit the lottery!  I wasn't able to respond to many, but I read and loved each one.  We all knew what she meant to us, but it was so encouraging to hear what she meant to others.

THANK GOD for the benevolence ministry of Pauline Baptist Church.  They showed up with food, with paper products, unending ice, and most importantly, with helping hands to get everything ready for us to eat, then cleaned it all up afterward.  What a blessing!!  They brought an extra refrigerator (my mom's FOUR were full....if you know my momma......HA! ;) to put outside to hold the extra food.  That was so helpful!!

THANK GOD for everyone that came to our side during her visitation and funeral.  I had so many friends from near and far - even some from San Antonio - show up and love on me when I know it wasn't easy to get there.  Katie even had to leave her beach vacation with her family and fly in.  To feel that type of love from people is not something you forget.  I had some sweet friends that were there in spirit, also - and I totally felt it.

THANK GOD that He gave me supernatural strength to go to church on the following Sunday.  I thought it would be too tough to face, but I undeniably felt HIS strength.  Had I not gone, I would've missed out on the biggest blessing.  It was amazing to be surrounded by so many people that loved her and our family.  It was so comforting to hear the sermon preached using her life as an object lesson - how she was prepared, but not ready.  It was almost a mini-funeral.

THANK GOD that I got to witness a young man walk forward - giving His life to Christ for the first time - after hearing that sermon.

THANK GOD that her wonderful pastor, Chad Graves, is incredibly sensitive to hurting people's needs.  He called me and my family to the alter at the end of the service - along with anyone that had taught us in Sunday School or VBS or kept us in the nursery or that were just special friends to come pray over us.  Wow.

THANK GOD for the relationships that we have within our family.  We are all working together and agreeing on most of the endless decisions that are having to be made.  There is LOTS to be done and everyone is pulling together and doing their part as best as we can.

THANK GOD for my unbelievable husband (this deserves it's own post) that has stepped up like never before.  He was there when the numbness wore off.  He IS there when I just need to talk or cry or be mad or be sad or tell the same story again for the hundredth time or when I just need to be alone.  He is sensitive to my needs.  He is gracious when I feel guilty that he is having to play this role for the second time in our marriage.  He is making me laugh.  He is keeping our house running.  He is letting me sleep in.  He is making decisions that I just don't have the energy to make.  He is amazing!!!!

THANK GOD for the relationship that I have with her husband, Darrell, and the fact that he still wants to be my babies' Pappaw.

THANK GOD, again, for Brad's family that took my children for multiple days and nights without hesitation.  I am forever grateful.

THANK GOD for my San Antonio church family and all they have done to support me here.  From helping Brad with childcare while I was still in AR to coming to deep clean and put a "woman's touch" in the house before I got home to offering to mow the yard to blessing us with meals for the next 2 weeks to the huge stack of cards waiting on me when I got home....I have felt nothing but love and support.

THANK GOD that in His infinite wisdom, He knew how the end of our summer would play out.  He knew that when we planned our vacation to Florida 6 months ago that the timing could not have been more perfect.  He knew that I would need some time away with my family and close friends to reflect, regroup, and relax before the whirlwind of school started.

THANK GOD for this little blog that allows me to process thoughts and attempt to give credit where credit is due.

THANK GOD that He is watching over me through every step of this journey and is bringing more and more sunshine into my darkness.  There are more happy times than sad.  There are more positive thoughts than negative.  There is more gratefulness than sorrow.  And I know this will just increase with time.

THANK GOD that this list is not all-inclusive.  There is no way that I could list every single blessing that He has given me in the past month.

THANK GOD THAT HE IS SO GOOD!!!