Constant

I have been very convicted about my last blog post.  Ever since I hit "publish," something didn't feel right.  I kept coming back to that phrase, "Her house is a constant to me."  That didn't sit well.  I wasn't sure why.

A couple of weekends ago, I attended a women's retreat with our church.  It was a very relaxing weekend with no heavy theology or soul-searching.  We listened to several sessions from our gracious, funny speaker, played some get-to-know-you games, girl-talked, had some precious quiet time alone with some books on grief that a sweet church-member shared with me, shopped, rested, etc...It was good.  While I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend away with close girlfriends, I didn't think that I was taking home anything life-changing.  But one story that the speaker told kept running through my mind.

She was talking about one of her first jobs in a furniture store.  One day, she absolutely fell in love with a new sofa that came into the store.  She dreamed about one day having enough money to buy it and having the perfect home to put it in.  As time went on, she fell even more in love with this piece of furniture.  Wouldn't you know, she was the sales-lady when the right customer came in and wanted to buy that sofa.  She said she was heartbroken.  As the little stock-boy came to  pick it up, she expressed her sadness.  He said, "Ms. Nancy - my grandma always told me, 'Never love anything that can't love you back.'"

Never love anything that can't love you back.

Huh.

Last weekend, my family and I traveled to Arkansas for our last Razorback game in the same seats that my parents have been buying for probably the past 25 years. (I will hopefully give that it's own blog post.)  After the game, we had time to stop by my parent's house one last time before the upcoming estate auction.  As I walked around, and everything was grouped into categories and boxed up and numbered, I began to see it more and more as just "stuff".  Yes, it was HER stuff and she certainly did LOVE it.  But it was just....stuff.

Leaving was HARD.  But as we pulled away, I felt God disconnecting their memory from the things left in the house.  I have more of them in my heart and mind than could ever be replaced by material things.  My memory will never break or get lost or burn in a fire or collect dust or find its home in my attic.  I have all of my daddy and momma that I need.  And I can carry that with me wherever I go;  unlike the gorgeous sideboard left in her foyer.  Someone else will be able to appreciate it's beauty and put it to good use.

Y'all....this is HUGE for me!!!  HUGE!!!

On the ride home, Meredith Andrews came on the radio.  In that moment, through kids asking for more snacks and another movie and can you reach my backpack, etc....a light bulb went off for me.  (If I were an Oprah fan, I might be inclined to call this an "A-ha" moment ;)

After all, You are constant.
After all, You are only good.
After all, You are sovereign
Not for a moment, will You forsake me.

Constant.

There's that word again.

And those other words - Good & Sovereign.  I think I see a theme forming through this process.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  My momma's house was not a constant for me.  My parents were not a constant for me.  My sweet little family is not promised tomorrow.  Brad's job, our church, our house, my friends, our extended family.  It's ALL going to change.  At some point or another, those things are no longer going to be what they once were.  The ONLY constant is God.  Period.  He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.  No matter what change life brings;  HE is unchangeable, immutable, everlasting, infinite, CONSTANT.

I'm not sure why it took this long for me to reach this conclusion.  God taught me over and over last year through bible study to take my focus to things that are eternal - not things of this world.  It's ALL going to fade away - everything except HIS promises and glory and gift of eternal life through the belief in the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

I don't have to be sad about my momma's cookbook collection.  It's OK!!  "We fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."  (2 Corinthians 4:18)

I KNEW God was going to show up.  I KNEW He would get me through this.  I KNEW He would grant me peace and bring me closer to Him through this hurdle.

I PRAISE YOU, LORD, for being FAITHFUL.  Always.

I consider it pure joy whenever I face trials of many kinds, because I know that the testing of my faith produces perseverance.  I will let perseverance finish its work so that I may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  When I do lack wisdom, I will ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault.  It will be given to me.  (James 1:2-5, paraphrased)

Bring it on, November 3!  God's got this!  :)